


A Kiss May Ruin a Human Life

by MorganD



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M, canonical pairings are discussed (Malec-Clace-Climon-Jaia)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 05:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11411316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganD/pseuds/MorganD
Summary: The Seelie Queen agrees to Alec’s request for an audience, as long as he brings Valentine’s Experiments—Jace and Clary—along with him. (Alternative version of the events from episode 2.14.)





	A Kiss May Ruin a Human Life

“You’re nervous.”

Alec frowns. “Do I _look_ nervous, or…?”

“No, _parabatai_ ,” says Jace, stressing the last word. “But you might end up twisting our bond into a knot if you don’t relax.”

Alec takes a deep breath and releases the air slowly, counting his—their—heartbeats. He keeps staring at the water running down the stream as if it might suddenly turn into lava, but at least his fingers relax their grip on the bridge rail.

Jace rests a hand on Alec’s tense shoulder and squeezes it gently. “Talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

“Take a pick. We’re meeting the Seelie Queen on her own turf to question her about her possible involvement in a series of vicious murders. One wrong move, and best case scenario, you and I and Clary end up killed. Worst case, an all-out Seelie revolt, for which the Institute would be poorly prepared. We can’t by any means offend her, but we need to stand our ground as well. All that, and we must be finished in time for the Downworld Cabinet Meeting this afternoon. To which _hopefully_ the queen, after not killing us _or_ declaring war, will agree to send a representative. And then Raziel knows how _that_ meeting will go. I don’t like that I had to rely on Raphael’s interest in Izzy to get him to go. I don’t like that Luke showed so much reluctance when I invited him. And I don’t like that Magnus sounded so distant on the phone when I asked him to come as the High Warlock of Brooklyn and not as my boyfriend.”

“Okay. That’s a lot. Anything else?”

“Well, there’s also this slight annoyance of seeing Shadowhunters that a few months ago respected me as the acting head of the Institute now looking at me with disdain and making bets about how many _days_ I’m going to last as the _actual_ head.”

Jace cringes. “They’re not…”

“I can hear the whispers, Jace. Apparently, ‘warlock’s boy toy’ is my new nickname.”

There’s not much Jace can say to that. In all truthiness, the Nephilim gossip mill had played a part in his decision to step down, but he felt that at least in his own case his fellow Shadowhunters had reason to feel uneasy with his leadership. Those people had been his peers, then they were suddenly ordered to hunt him down dead or alive, then they were encouraged to barely tolerate him when he was accepted back but demoted, and then they were told to look up to him as their new boss, and all that in the space of… what… two months? Alec, on the other hand, had done nothing wrong. Doubting his integrity or his competence just because he was dating a male Downworlder was inexcusable.

“Where the hell is Clary?” Alec grunts. “She realizes we can’t be late for this, right?”

“She’ll be here in a moment,” Jace assures him, praying that he’s not wrong about that.

He’s in luck, because not a minute passes before he hears Clary’s voice nearby.

His luck ends when he hears Simon’s voice replying to her.

“ _What_ is he doing here?” Jace snaps.

He doesn’t _always_ detest Simon. The guy is a decent fellow who has been very helpful on occasion. And Jace really was touched when Simon promised to guard the secret of how he became a Daylighter in order to protect him. The thought of asking Simon not to tell anyone hadn’t even crossed Jace’s mind.

But now? With Simon butting into a highly sensitive diplomatic meeting as if they were going on a field trip? Boasting about his still-developing fighting skills and his election victory back in freaking middle school, as if any of that could help them in this particular situation? And just refusing to listen to Jace’s words of caution and accusing him of being too dramatic?

Yeah, he detests Simon today.

And, unfortunately, Clary is getting on his nerves as well, as she seems to find her boyfriend’s carelessness and misguided confidence utterly adorable.

Poor Alec, already so anxious, stares at Clary with perplexity. “Did you not hear Izzy’s warning about the danger? About how some Shadowhunters never made it back from the Seelie realm?”

“I did, but…”

“And still you thought this might be a great opportunity for a date?”

“That’s not what I…”

“How exactly did you word this invitation, huh? _‘Hey, sweetie, I’m doing this really dangerous thing today, you might die if you come with me, so I totally want you to come, because that’s what we do with the people we care about, we deliberately bring them to situations where they might get hurt, right?’_ Because that is _so_ romantic.”

Jace can’t help the snort that escapes him. Simon’s miffed expression is a sight to behold.

“You’ve brought your boyfriend to dangerous missions before,” Clary rebukes.

Alec’s jaw hardens. “I’ve called the High Warlock of Brooklyn, whose long experience and knowledge are indisputable, when his unique skills were indispensable. I don’t need to worry about Magnus underestimating a dangerous situation. And you might have noticed… he’s not here now, is he?”

Jace rests his palm on Alec’s back, tacitly offering his support. Judging from that little rant from earlier, Alec and Magnus might actually be having more difficulty in drawing the line between personal and professional than what Alec’s words to Clary would imply.

“Hey, I’m not new to this,” Simon protests. “Well, I am, but not _new_ -new. I know how dangerous Seelies can be. I’ve seen lots of them at the Hunter’s Moon, and you wouldn’t _believe_ the things… Well… I guess you would. But still. Remember, I saved Clary from being fake-bitten, fake-clawed, fake-hexed, or fake-stabbed by Kaelie! Although if she had been stabbed, she would have been truly stabbed by a true Seelie. But, regardless, Clary would have died, and she didn’t, because I was there to keep Kaelie from taking her. Surely that must count for _something!”_ He directs this last part at Jace, clearly expecting some backup from him with that particular argument.

Jace shrugs and indicates Alec with a tilt of his head. As much as Jace appreciates the fact that Clary is still alive, his parabatai is the one in charge now. It’s up to him.

“Not happening, Simon,” Alec retorts. “I’m sorry, but this is just too much for you to handle.”

“You don’t know how much Simon can handle!” Clary shrieks.

“And you don’t know enough about Seelies to tell if he can handle them or not.”

Clary glares at Alec, her brow furrowed in an angry mask. “Well, _my mom_ knew about Seelies, didn’t she? And she definitely knew Simon. And you know what? She would read us books about fairies, and I remember her telling Simon that he has the kind of charm that fairies find most fascinating. So there’s that!”

Alec freezes.

A chilly wave reaches Jace through the bond, and he physically shudders. He automatically steps closer to Alec in response to his parabatai’s distress.

For a brief moment, Jace wonders if Clary did that on purpose, in hopes that mentioning her mother—and inevitably reminding Alec of _why_ Jocelyn was no longer with her—would get Alec to capitulate out of guilt. But soon he sees the animosity in her visage be replaced by consternation and regret as she notices Alec’s reaction to her words.

“Alec, I didn’t mean…”

Alec cuts her off with a shake of his head. “Don’t make me regret this,” he hisses at Simon.

And then he jumps over the bridge rail.

“Alec, no!” Clary yells in panic, looking down at the stream. “Wait… Where did he go?”

“Through the entrance to the Seelie realm,” says Jace. “Why? What were you expecting?”

She had remembered what had _almost_ happened at Max’s party at Magnus’s, of course. As had Jace.

“Jace, I swear, I didn’t say that to upset him. I just think Simon can help.”

He believes her. But even though Alec is now on a different realm, Jace can still sense the turbulence of his emotions and the effort he’s putting into getting them under control.

“Well, I hope you’re right,” Jace tells her sternly. “And I hope this was worth it. Because you don’t get to play that card ever again.”

With that, he jumps over the rail and follows his parabatai into the Seelie realm.

* * *

“We should never have let Simon come,” Clary huffs, pacing back and forth.

Jace and Alec exchange an exasperated look. “Yeah… I wonder _how_ that happened…” Jace drawls sarcastically.

She ignores them both and keeps pacing.

They hear Simon’s loud, hurried steps long before he returns to the dining room, looking nervously over his shoulder at the queen. She follows him inside with her usual regal composure and a slight smile on her childlike face.

“Is everything okay?” asks Clary.

“Great!” Simon exclaims, grabbing Clary’s arms and pushing her towards the path from where they had arrived. “We need to go _right now_ ,” he mutters in a spooked tone.

Alec blocks their way, glaring daggers at Simon. One does _not_ French-exits the Seelie court!

Jace rushes to place himself between the queen and his friends, and bows his head. “Your Majesty. With your permission, we should get going.”

“But you’ve only just arrived,” she replies with an arched eyebrow.

Jace barely feels the earth move under his feet before thorny vines of vitis veritas erupt from the ground and wrap tightly around his legs, immobilizing him. Instinct has him pull at the vines and try to move his feet, even though he’s studied enough about the plant to know there’s nothing to be gained from that besides bloodied wounds where the thorns dig into his palms.

Simon tries to help, but wisely stops as soon as he sees that the vines only tighten their hold on Jace in response to any attempts to yank them off.

Clary evades Alec and marches towards the queen. “What are you doing?! Let him go!”

Alec approaches the Seelie monarch more cautiously, doing his best to conceal the growing fear that Jace can sense through their bond. “Your Majesty, we have come in good faith. Please, explain the meaning of this.”

“This boy owes me a great debt,” says the queen. “I’m entitled to reparation.”

“To what debt do you refer?”

“Several of my kind are dead because of him.”

“Your Majesty, I’m sure this is some sort of misunderstanding…”

“Didn’t he provide Valentine with the weapon that killed my knights at your Institute?”

Jace’s heart sinks. The dozens of Seelies who died when he activated the Soul-Sword. Was that why the queen invited him here? To personally take her revenge on him?

“You can’t blame Jace for this!” Clary retorts indignantly.

Alec grabs her wrist and squeezes it hard, trying to get her to lower her voice. He never takes his eyes off the queen’s face, though. “Surely the whispers of all the creatures at your service have informed you of what really happened that night, Your Highness. Valentine deceived Jace into believing that he could destroy the Soul-Sword by touching it. Jace was willing to sacrifice his _life_ to protect your knights and all the Downworlders.”

“And yet, they are dead nonetheless,” the queen observes coldly. “Their deaths require justice.”

Again, Clary jumps to Jace’s defense, yelling at the queen and _ordering_ her to let him go.

Jace appreciates the sentiment, but he’s well aware that there’s nothing to be gained from that kind of approach. Meanwhile, the vines have reached his chest, after covering his hips almost completely. He raises his arms to try to keep the plant from restraining them, but two new sets of thorny stems break out from the ground and swiftly coil around his wrists and elbows, binding him in an uncomfortable scarecrow pose.

As his heart starts racing, Jace focuses into subduing his fear. He doesn’t want to give the Seelie Queen the satisfaction of seeing him fret, but more importantly, he needs Alec to keep a cool head, and bombarding the bond with anxiety will not help in the slightest.

“Valentine Morgenstern, the one who _actually_ killed your knights, along with several other Downworlders and many Shadowhunters, is now a prisoner of the Clave,” Alec asserts firmly. “There _will_ be justice for those we lost, Your Majesty, I guarantee you.”

The queen gives him a scrutinizing look. “Do you?”

“As head of the New York Institute, I give you my word that I will do everything in my power to make sure Valentine pays for his crimes. I also want to do the upmost, with your help and the help of all local Downworld leaders, to improve Shadow World relations.”

“Through this cabinet you propose?”

“A first step, out of many more to come. But we would be starting on very bad terms if you were to kill a Shadowhunter who came here at your own request and who did nothing to deserve being punished.”

Jace watches the conversation helplessly, feeling the vines braiding themselves around his shoulders. Clary looks like she’s two seconds from punching the queen, and he prays to the Angel she won’t, because he’ll be dead for sure by the third second if she does. Meanwhile, Simon studies the vines frantically, as if he might find a loose tendril that he could pull to unravel the whole thing.

The queen grins. “Very well. I will forgive the boy’s part in the massacre if he agrees to a game.”

“What kind of game?” Jace asks skeptically.

His question is swallowed by Simon’s voice quickly saying, “A game sounds good!”

Alec glares at Simon with wide, aggravated eyes, which probably mirror Jace’s. What is the vampire doing, _literally_ playing with Jace’s life and physical integrity?

“No reason to look so apprehensive,” says the queen. “All I want is a kiss.”

Alec frowns.

“You want Jace to kiss you?” asks Clary, sounding confused and a little squeamish. Clearly, she can’t get over the fact that the Seelie Queen is not actually a pubescent child.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll be pleased to do it,” Simon blurts out with a nervous chuckle. “Right, Jace? Just kiss the lovely queen, so we can get out here. No one dies, no one gets hurt, no one is devoured by Audrey II. Happy ending all around!”

“What the hell, Simon?” Jace hisses under his breath.

“Audrey II? The singing, man-eating plant from outer space from _Little Shop of Horrors_? We should totally watch that movie. You know, _after_ we get out of here. So…” Simon waves his arms in an absurd gesture to encourage Jace to approach the queen… apparently forgetting that Jace is literally stuck to the ground!

“The game is not for me, Daylighter,” the queen interjects. “It’s for Jace.”

“Would you mind explaining how the game works exactly, Your Majesty?” suggests Alec, his nerves adding a sharp edge to his voice.

“It’s very simple, really.” The queen turns to Clary with an impish grin. “The kiss that will set him free is the kiss he most desires.”

Jace feels his chest constrict, and he can’t tell if it’s from the vitis veritas squeezing his torso or from his heart pounding louder and louder. “…what?”

Simon freezes, his brows knitting together as he stares at the queen, who in turn keeps her amused gaze fixed on Clary.

“Is this a joke?” Clary barks viciously.

“A game, I said,” the queen replies. “Which will end, one way or another, by the time the vines reach his neck…”

Alec rises to his full height, towering over the petite queen, in a clear sign that he is _done_ with the charades. “Your Majesty, this is _not_ …”

Before he can finish the sentence, though, Clary is standing right in front of Jace, her hands grabbing the collar of his sweater. “This means nothing,” she mutters.

And then her mouth is on his, hard and dry, crushing his lips against his teeth.

The queen is watching.

The entire Seelie court is watching.

Simon is watching, and Jace doesn’t need to be able to see him to know he looks miserable right now.

And Alec is watching, his emotions too tumultuous for Jace to comprehend them through their bond.

Jace can’t remember ever shying from public kisses before, but somehow this one feels different.

It feels _wrong_.

The thorns of the vitis veritas start scratching his collarbone.

Clary groans and plunges her tongue into his mouth.

_This means nothing._

Pretty much the same thing Maia snarled at him while taking off his shirt in the alley behind the Hunter’s Moon. He had been okay with it then. Honestly, he had been on the very same page. Maia is gorgeous and passionate and _hot_ , and the way she manhandled him and practically _devoured_ him had turned him on faster than he would care to admit. There was no great love between them, and that was perfectly okay. It was fun, no feelings got hurt, and they both got what they wanted from it.

Clary, on the other hand… Jace’s entire relationship with her has been an insane rollercoaster since the night he bumped on her at Pandemonium, but he had thought it had meant _something_.

And this, here, as part of a manipulative game dictated by one of the most cunning beings of the Shadow World, with Clary’s boyfriend standing two feet away, and with all these strangers smirking at his discomfort, waiting in glee to see his reaction—which he can’t even fake, because the magic of the vines won’t allow him…

He doesn’t want _any_ of this.

He can’t breathe.

His mouth is locked with Clary’s, his nose is squashed against her cheek, and the vines are closing around his neck.

He can’t _breathe_.

The kiss ends abruptly when Clary is yanked back by an incensed Alec.

“Can’t you see this is not working?!” Alec barks.

“Then what do I have to do?” Clary asks desperately. She points an accusatory finger at the queen. “You said a kiss would free him. You _lied_.”

The queen’s grin is both scornful and triumphant. “I told you, Daylighter,” she tells Simon, although her gaze never leaves Clary. “They always choose their own kind.”

“Wa-wait, what?” Clary sputters.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Alec huffs. He pushes Clary aside and takes Jace’s face between his hands. “Jace? Jace, look at me.”

Jace obeys instantly, struggling with his oxygen-deprived brain to focus on Alec. Alec’s palms on his cheeks. Alec’s bright hazel eyes staring into his. Alec’s face, as familiar to him as his own. Alec’s voice, urgent but comforting.

“I’ve got you, parabatai,” Alec murmurs. “I’ve got you.”

And then Alec kisses him.

The most simple, tender, honest, uncomplicated kiss.

On Jace’s forehead.

A kiss of utter respect and devotion from someone whose love for him Jace could never doubt.

From someone who means the world to him.

How does something that has always been there suddenly manage to turn his entire world upside down?

The oppressive magic of the vines quickly makes way to the peaceful, loving, liberating power of their bond. In a matter of seconds, the vitis veritas disappears into the ground, and Jace finds himself dizzy, holding on to Alec’s jacket to keep himself from falling. He maintains his eyes tightly shut, basking in the warmth of his parabatai’s proximity, of the soft lips still touching his brow.

He can breathe again.

“Really?” The queen giggles. “You call that a kiss?”

Jace growls in the back of his throat.

Alec kisses him again before turning around to face the queen, making sure to block her view from his parabatai. “You made no specifications, Your Majesty. It seems the vitis veritas is satisfied.”

“That is true.”

Jace risks a sideways glance at Clary. Her whole face is flushed redder than her hair, and she keeps her head down, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

“Are we free to go, then?” inquires Alec. “All of us?”

“Oh, yes,” replies the queen. “It seems one of you already has.”

Jace looks around in bewilderment.

Simon is gone.

_Crap!_

“I am pleased,” says the queen. “As a sign of my goodwill, I will send a proxy to your Downworld Cabinet Meeting. I am sure Meliorn will have so much fun with it.”

* * *

As promised, their weapons are returned as soon as they are outside the Seelie palace. Once the knights are back inside, Alec takes his stele and lifts the front of Jace’s shirt and sweater to activate his iratze. None of the thorns had dug deep enough to cause serious injury, but Jace is grateful nonetheless.

He wants to thank Alec, but he feels like his lips are stuck together and words are beyond his competence right now. So he just _looks_ at Alec, and he knows his parabatai has gotten the message when Alec nods at him.

They make their way back in complete silence, with Clary walking ten steps ahead and never looking back at either of her companions. As soon as they step out of the Seelie realm, she mutters, “I need to find Simon,” and leaves without saying another word, running south, probably towards the Red Hook docks.

Jace and Alec keep a sedated pace through the woods of the Park. They can hear mundanes talking, jogging, and playing in the vicinities, but there’s no one in their immediate surroundings.

“So…” says Alec, forcing a casual tone. “This was a disaster.”

“We’re all in one piece,” Jace counters. “And a Seelie representative will be at the Cabinet Meeting.”

“Yes. _Meliorn_. This should be interesting,” Alec growls. “I can’t believe I let her manipulate me like that!”

“You had no choice,” Jace offers in a small voice.

“Of course I had a choice! I should have stuck to my guns and said no!”

Jace flinches and looks away. “Well. I’d have died, so… I’m glad you didn’t.”

Alec halts suddenly and faces Jace with a befuddled expression. “Wait, what are you…? Jace, I’m not talking about the queen! I’m talking about Clary! I shouldn’t have let her talk me into allowing Simon to come with us. That was _precisely_ what the queen wanted.”

“You think so?”

“Remember her words? _‘Why is the vampire here? He was not invited.’_ Strictly true. She never said she didn’t _want_ him there, though, and she agreed very quickly to your appeal to let him stay.”

Jace frowns, recalling the details of the audience with the queen. “She only asked me and Clary a couple of questions. She didn’t even insist when we refused to give her a demonstration of our powers. And then she invited Simon for a one-on-one interview that took longer than all the time she spent with the rest of us.” He sighs in annoyance. “You’re right. But why didn’t she just invite him?”

“I’m guessing that if she had invited Simon, he would have come in a more cautious, self-defensive state of mind, less likely to listen to whatever it was she told him. Instead, he came in full knight-in-shining-armor mode, trying to impress his girlfriend with his coolness and sangfroid. Pun not intended.”

“I don’t know, Alec. How could the queen be sure that we would bring him along?”

“Because she’s an ancient being with spies everywhere and who certainly knows a lot more about us than we know about her? Let’s face it… With Simon following Clary wherever she goes, Clary always sticking up for him, neither of them giving a damn about protocol, and I being the idiot that allows the Fray-Lewis Train to drag us into all kinds of trouble time and time again… I’d say Simon coming with us was a reasonably safe bet for anyone with a passing knowledge of what we’ve been through for the past couple of months.”

“This wasn’t your fault,” Jace whispers, wanting to reach out and touch his parabatai’s arm, but too shaken to dare it after what happened.

Alec shrugs. “I should have known better. And now we don’t know what the queen told Simon in private, and I don’t know if he’ll be willing to tell us.”

“I think we can hazard a good guess at her intentions, though. Sowing seeds of discord? Driving a wedge between vampires and Shadowhunters by trying to influence the newly-turned Daylighter?”

“And breaking up their personal relationships. That would explain that whole kissing game thing.”

Jace blinks. “What do you mean?”

“Can you think of any other reason why she would do that?”

“To make us squirm? To indulge her voyeuristic kink?”

“With a kiss?” Alec asks dubiously. “The Seelie Queen is not a middle school fangirl, no matter how young she looks.”

“She kept staring at Clary… when she talked about the kiss I most desired…”

“And Clary predictably took it as if the queen meant her, even though you told her that the queen is an expert in being untruthful without actually lying.”

“Clary only did what she did because she thought it would save me,” Jace ponders. “Surely Simon will understand that, after they talk.”

“Hm. Maybe. I’m not so sure.”

“I’ve seen them together, Alec. They’re happy and… disgustingly cute.”

“And yet she was _seriously_ , _intensely_ determined to break the vitis veritas spell. I can’t blame Simon for having doubts if…”

“I wanted you to kiss me,” Jace blurts out, surprising even himself with how needy he sounds.

Alec gazes at him with confusion in his eyes. “I know. And I did.”

“No, I…” Ugh, he had had all the right words back at the Seelie court. Why are they deserting him now? “You did the right thing. Under those circumstances, with those people watching, with the queen using my feelings against me… _that_ was the kiss I most desired. I was there… _exposed_ … and I needed you to protect me.” The admission isn’t nearly as costly as he thought it would be. “And you did.”

“That is my job, parabatai,” says Alec softly.

Jace shakes his head. “But after you kissed me… like _that_ … that was not the kiss I most desired anymore.” He focuses his gaze on the top button of Alec’s shirt, unable to look him in the eyes. “I wanted those people gone. All of them. I wanted us to be someplace else, just the two of us. And I wanted you to… to _really_ kiss me.”

The silence that follows freezes Jace to the bones. He closes his eyes tight, clenches his hands into fists, braces himself for… he doesn’t know what. Alec would never purposely hurt him. Yet Jace somehow feels more vulnerable now than when he had been Valentine’s prisoner in the Morning Star, or when Aldertree had him hold the Soul-Sword and asked him all those private questions.

Alec’s response is to wrap his arms around Jace and hug him tenderly, resting his chin on his parabatai’s shoulder. “I would have loved that,” he murmurs.

Jace gasps in relief, hiding his face in the crook of Alec’s neck, his hands grabbing the back of Alec’s jacket. He shudders in anticipation, licks his lips, hoping they won’t taste of Clary’s lipstick…

His mind finally catches up with Alec’s choice of words.

_I would have loved that._

_…would have…_

“You won’t do it, though,” Jace whispers bitterly. “Will you?”

Alec sighs, his hand caressing the back of Jace’s head. “I can’t.”

“Because of Magnus.”

“That, too.”

“What else?”

“You mean, besides the whole taboo and unlawfulness of it all?” There’s mirth in Alec’s voice, but also a profound weariness.

“We have broken the rules before…”

“Yeah, and how’s that been working out for us lately?”

“Actually, we’ve _both_ been named head of the Institute in the past two days.”

Alec snorts. “And yet neither of us is exactly popular among the ranks right now. There are some who are just _waiting_ for us to stumble, Jace. And then what would happen? Who would be put in our place? Certainly not Izzy, who’s more infamous about her involvement with Downworlders than I am. And I don’t trust any other choice, not even Mom, to keep up the work of restoring unity with the Downworlders. Do you?”

Jace sighs. Even if there were promising candidates that the Clave would be willing to accept, how could he possibly ask Alec to jeopardize his career now that he is finally getting it back on track? “If things were different… if you weren’t in charge… if we weren’t in the brink of a new uprising… if you weren’t with Magnus…”

“That’s a lot of ‘ifs’…”

“Would you? Kiss me?”

Alec lets out a tired chuckle that blows the tiny hairs behind Jace’s ear. “I’ve spent the last seven years trying so hard not to think about kissing you, and hating myself when I thought about it anyway. That’s been as much a part of my identity as my own name: I’m the sad creature who will never, ever get to know how kissing Jace Wayland… Herondale... feels like.”

Jace is surprised at hearing Alec speak so openly of this, and with a pang of guilt he realizes that this is Magnus’s influence at play. Before the warlock entered their lives, Alec had never been encouraged to be honest about his feelings. Not even by his own parabatai.

Things have changed now. And it’s a good thing that they have. Jace felt it, the increasing _lightness_ at the other end of the bond as Alec and Magnus became closer. The first night the new couple spent together… Jace had been too busy worrying about Cleophas and Valentine and Ithuriel to pay attention to whatever was going on with Alec—he knew Alec was safe, and that was what mattered the most—but when morning came and things calmed down and Jace returned to Magnus’s loft to be hit by the wave of Alec’s bliss and contentment…

A better man would have had a better reaction. A better man wouldn’t have thrown himself into his lonely bed and screamed into his pillow, jealous and bitter because somebody else was giving his parabatai the happiness he deserved. And a better man wouldn’t have given his parabatai’s boyfriend the shovel talk and pretended all his hostility was born out of purely brotherly concerns.

Jace is a petty, selfish, awful man. And he strongly suspects Magnus saw right through him anyway.

He hears footsteps approaching and mentally curses, expecting Alec to step away from him. However, Alec does the very opposite, hugging him tighter, and moving them closer to the nearest tree. He then uses his stele to quickly activate the runes that make them imperceptible to mundanes.

A few moments later, a couple in matching tracksuits passes by them, jogging and discussing the merits of DC versus Marvel, showing no signs of noticing the two Nephilim.

As the mundanes disappear from view, the sounds of their argument fading in the distance, Jace sighs and leans more heavily against Alec, trying to relax. In spite of having the perfect excuse to escape the emotional moment, Alec chose to stay in it. To stay with Jace.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” Jace mumbles.

“How so?”

“I asked you to be my parabatai so I would never lose you. And now that means I can’t _have_ you.”

Something changes in Alec’s embrace. Muscles that had been relaxed and pliant turn taut, ready to spring into movement. “Do you regret it?”

For a quarter of a second, Jace tries to imagine his life without Alec as his parabatai.

And he _panics_.

“No! Never! I couldn’t…” He takes a deep breath. “Alec, I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. And I’m not even talking about survival. I don’t know what I’d have been turned into if part of my soul had not been safely in your care.”

Jace feels Alec _melt_ against his body again and play with his hair.

And Raziel, that feels so _good_ …

“I’m a horrible man, Alec.”

“No, you’re not.”

“But I want it _all_. I want my parabatai to never leave me. And I want so badly to kiss you and _be_ with you in all the ways we’re not supposed to. Don’t you think that makes me a greedy, horrible person?”

“If it does,” Alec sighs into Jace’s ear, “it just makes you as bad as me.”

Jaces hugs him so tight, he’s probably about to crush his parabatai’s ribs, but he can’t stop. He needs Alec _closer_. He needs the rest of Alec’s soul to join the part that Jace carries inside himself. They are as firmly linked together as two Nephilim can possibly be, and it’s still _not enough_.

“Alec… _please_ …”

“Goddammit, Jace.”

“Just this once? One little kiss? And then we never talk about it ever again?”

There’s no way Alec will agree. Jace knows that. And to be frank, that’s a relief. Maybe this way he can feel a little less guilty about coveting the boyfriend of the guy who had welcomed Jace in his home when the Shadowhunter had nowhere else to go.

“Jace… If I kiss you once, I will never stop. It will never be enough.”

Jace moans and presses his lips against Alec’s jaw. It’s not a kiss, just… a caress. “It’s not enough as it is already,” he murmurs.

“It _has_ to be.”

“I…” _Fuck._ “Alec, please, I love you.”

“And I love you. I will _always_ love you. I will never leave you until the Angel takes me away, and even then I swear to you I will _fight_ him, with all my strength, to the last drop of will in my being. If we never get to kiss in this lifetime, I hope this can make up for it.”

This isn’t fair. How does Alec expect Jace to let him go now after hearing him say something like _that_?

Jace raises his hands and holds Alec’s face between them.

Their eyes meet.

Their bond sings.

“Please, don’t,” Alec begs in a whisper.

“We’ll blame it all on me. You don’t need to kiss me back.”

Alec practically _sobs_. “But I will. I will forget about everything and everyone and let the world burn down to ashes just to have you for one second. So, _please_. For once in our life, be the cautious, practical one, and don’t let us fall into the abyss.”

_Time to be a better man._

Jace rises to his tiptoes, brings Alec’s face down, and kisses him.

On the forehead.

Alec’s eyes are wet.

But that’s okay. So are Jace’s.

“Let’s go home, parabatai,” Jace murmurs. “You have an important meeting to prepare for.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “A Woman of No Importance” by Oscar Wilde.
> 
> Dedicated to the folks at the Jalecs™ chat room, who encouraged me to write my own version of the Seelie court scene. Hope you don’t regret that decision now. ^_^; 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as morgandeeyue.


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